To thrive in sustained intimacy requires learning to provide not what we think someone else wants, or should want, but what actually makes him or her happy.

--- Kathryn Schulz, in her essay What Is It About Middlemarch?, in Vulture, January 13, 2014

Quote in context:

One of the oldest and most universal moral precepts is the Golden Rule: Treat others as you want them to treat you. . . .

It is also, on reflection, a little weird. For a guideline about how to treat others, the Golden Rule is strikingly egocentric. It does not urge us to consult our neighbors about their needs; it asks us only to generalize from ourselves—to imagine, in essence, that everyone’s idea of desirable treatment matches our own. . . .

Middlemarch breaks with this tradition. Morality does not start with the self, Eliot insists; it starts when we set the self aside. “Will not a tiny speck very close to our vision blot out the glory of the world?” she asks. And then: “I know no speck so troublesome as self.” What a killer line, and what a memorable image. We dwell in moral myopia; literally and figuratively, we are too close to ourselves.

Over and over in Middlemarch, Eliot urges us to refocus. When Rosamond Vincy, arguably the most self-absorbed character in the book, dismisses another woman as “so uninteresting,” the much kinder Mary Garth counters her: “She is interesting to herself, I suppose.” The problem Dorothea faces in her marriage is not how to support her husband, as she yearns to do, nor how to liberate herself from his thin tyrannies, as readers often yearn on her behalf, but how to accept that he has “an equivalent centre of self, whence the light and shadows must always fall with a certain difference.” That self is not like Dorothea’s; no two selves are, not even so-called soul mates. That’s one reason why marriage lies beyond the reach of the Golden Rule: As Dorothea learns to her dismay, other people do not necessarily crave the treatment we expect them to appreciate. To thrive in sustained intimacy requires learning to provide not what we think someone else wants, or should want, but what actually makes him or her happy.

Real liberation comes not from glossing over or repressing painful states of feeling, but only from experiencing them to the full

--- C. G. Jung, CW, 9i, para 587, quoted by James Hollis, What Matters Most: Living a More Considered Life, p. x

From Jung’s A Study in the the Process of Individuation in The Archetypes and the Collective Unconscious, Volume 9, p. 335 (Google Books)

On the days following, the patient was overcome by feelings of self-pity. It became clear to her how much she regretted never having had any children. She felt like a neglected animal or a lost child. This mood grew into a regular Weltschmerz, and she felt like the “all-compassionate Tathagata” (Buddha). Only when she had completely given way to these feelings could she bring herself to paint another picture. Real liberation comes not from glossing over or repressing painful states of feeling, but only from experiencing them to the full. 

Quote in Hollis's context:

In the midst of writing this book. I lost my beloved son, as have many other patients and parents. The sentences above were written long before. I can either curl up and die from grief or live toward the values he and I shared. Jung challenges us directly: “Real liberation comes not from glossing over or repressing painful states of feeling, but only from experiencing them to the full.” 

When change occurs, and especially change for the better, the principal motivating forces are to be found within the country

--- Derek Tonkin, from an article in the Myanmar Times, Myanmar and South Africa: Comparisons are fortuitous, but instructive, 13 December 2013

Quote in context:

There is an eternal truth which needs to be recognised in the experiences of both South Africa and Myanmar. It is that when change occurs, and especially change for the better, the principal motivating forces are to be found within the country. Change is rarely the result primarily of external pressures, however much the international community may claim to have been influential and to have adopted determining policies. 

You never get used to the cold, but you get used to being cold

--- NBC commentator (I think it was Troy Aikman) during NFL wild card game in Green Bay on Sunday Jan 5, 2014 between the 49ers and Packers

It would seem to be a truism that could/should apply to many discomforts and sufferings in life - not that I've got used to any of it, myself.